you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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