I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Just used my eyelash curler to open a bottle of cider...
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
