Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
operation harelip BJ is a go
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
