Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I believe in your delicious
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
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