To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
Randomize
