Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
