I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
