I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
