morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
