I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
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