Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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