Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Randomize
