you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
