My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Two words: blizzard sex
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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