A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
