hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Randomize
