I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
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