Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
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