oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
Randomize
