I'm going to rape someone's good day.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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