guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I woke up this morning with my hair wrecked, a split lip, and an "H" on my right knee and a "I!" on my other knee.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
