I'm lost and stupid without you.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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