You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
