I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Randomize