You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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