i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
