i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
