if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
