i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
