we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
