We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
