He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
