You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
there's paper in my vomit.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Randomize
