he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Everything about him screamed your future.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
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