Can Purell be used as lube?
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
