I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
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