I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
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