Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Randomize
