so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I still have a little drunk in my system
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
