pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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