She went from zero to smokin in five shots
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
