White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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