I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
