Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
