you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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