had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
