just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize