Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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