random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
