Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
