I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
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