I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
