Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Randomize
