The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
is that a dick in a sweater?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
