Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
