no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
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