remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Actions speak louder than pants.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
