omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
