Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
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