Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
