Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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