explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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