i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Randomize