do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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