How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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