It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
