everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
