put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
