I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
My balls are so social today.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
