Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
