How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
